i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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