woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i barfeds in our rink
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
