I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
