i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
