I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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