Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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