Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
