if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
