I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
