I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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