Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
