I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
