Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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