i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
