So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
