please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
