the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont even know how to be here
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
