and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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