She just used a chaser for red wine.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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