There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what day is it and did you see me today?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
