My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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