I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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