you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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