So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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