Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
