actually, I'm a sock model
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
