i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
