Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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