My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
