Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
