Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
