I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
