I've blown a few things in my day
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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