he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
