We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
