YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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