her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
