I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize