would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
