Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
