Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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