We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
