And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
