Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
