remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
