Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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