He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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