If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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