I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
