im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
