This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
