You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
