I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
