My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
foreskin is a definite game changer
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
