The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
