I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
