I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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