My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina is very pro this idea
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
