We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
