dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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