Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
