we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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