this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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