Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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