Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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