No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
