i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You made out with two different species that night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
