I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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