I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
