i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
