I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
