so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
