hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
