I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
